1. Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor."
杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗.一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填.仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的?"护士问. "有!"杰克想了想说,"我是个单身汉."
2. Wife:You see.According to te statistics on thepaper,80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcohol.
Husband:It's okey. To my investigation,all Thespeopleeat meals.
妻子:你看这张报纸,据统计,死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的.
丈夫:那有什么?据我调查,死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭的.
3. "Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine."
"Yours?Can you prove it?"
"Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it."
"请原谅,你占了我的位置."
"你的位置?你能征明这点吗?"
"能,我在位置上放了杯冰激凌."
4. One day,Eve asked Adam,"Doyou really love me?"
Adam said helplessly,"Do I have any other choice?"
一天,夏娃问亚当:"你当真爱我吗?"
亚当无可奈何地回答:"我还有的选择吗?"
5. Always Thirsty 总感到口渴
"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."
"That"s terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?"
"No, but I am always thirsty!"
一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。”
“真是太糟糕了!”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗?”
“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。”
6. A Useful Way 一个有效的方法
Father: Jack, why do you drink so much water?
Jack: I have just had an apple, Dad.
Father: What"s that got to do with it?
Jack: I forgot to wash the apple.
爸爸：杰克，你干嘛喝这么多水呀?
杰克：我刚才吃了个苹果，爸爸。
爸爸：可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢?
杰克：我忘了洗苹果呀。
7. A Present 凯特的礼物
Kate: Mom, do you know what I"m going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, Honey, what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I"ve got a nice teapot.
Kate: No, you haven"t. I"ve just dropped it.
凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗?
妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀?
凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。
妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。
凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。
8. The Doctor Knows Better 医生懂得多
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I"m not dead. I"m still alive."
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”
医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”
听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”
妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”
9. Waste or Save? 浪费还是节约
Father: Oh, Jack, you have slept away the whole morning. Don"t you know you are wasting time?
Jack: Yes, Dad. But I"ve saved you a meal, haven" I?
父亲：噢，杰克，你又睡了一上午。难道你不知道你这是在浪费时间吗?
杰克：我知道，爸爸。可我还给您节省了一顿饭呢，是不是?
10. Why Is He Howling 他为什么喊
Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven"t even touched your tooth yet.
Patient: I know, but you are standing on my foot!
牙医：请你不要再喊了!我还没碰你的牙呢。
病人：我知道，可是你正踩着我的脚呀!
看笑话的结果就是看完后能够令人捧腹大笑，我们看过很多中文的笑话，那么英文笑话你看过没有，如果还没有的话，那么下面我们跟着听力课堂去看看英文笑话都有哪些能够令你捧腹大笑的。
英文笑话第一篇：
1. I'm not addicted to Wechat! You know, I just use it whenever I have time. Lunch time, break time, bed time, that time, this time, any time, all the time!我对微信并不上瘾。我只在有空时玩微信。主要是在午饭时间、休息时间、睡前时间、这些时间、那些时间、任何时间和所有时间玩玩而已。(这里主要利用time来达到幽默的效果，仔细体会一下英文哦!)
2. I hate two-faced people.It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.我最恨两面派，因为我不知道先扇哪边的脸，这让我很为难。
3.When a woman says “WHAT?”, it’s not because she didn't hear you. She’s just giving you a chance to change what you said.当一个女人说“什么?”，这不是因为她没听见你说什么。她只是在给你一个机会来收回你刚刚所说的话。
4. When people call you photogenic, they're actually trying to tell you that you look uglier than your pics.当人们说你真上镜时，他们其实是想告诉你：你本人看起来比照片丑多了。
英文笑话第二篇：
1. People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.人们说笑容是最好的良药。你的脸一定能治愈全世界。
2. Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, and don’t sell drugs. The government hates competition.不要偷，不要撒谎，不要欺骗，不要贩毒。因为(美国)政府痛恨有人和它竞争。
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.婚姻是这样一种关系，一个人永远是对的，另一个人是丈夫。
4. Sometimes you just need some space...to fart.有时你只是需要一些空间来放屁!
英文笑话第三篇：
1. They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?他们说爱比金钱更重要，但是你是否试过用一个拥抱来付你的账?
2. When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…”当我临终之时，我希望我的最后遗言是“我留了一百万美金，放在了。”
3 I always learn from mistakes of others who take my advice.我总是从那些听了我的建议之后犯错的人哪里吸取经验教训。
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